*Disclaimer — no zodiac signs were harmed in the making of this blog —only slightly roasted 😉
Since we’ve already highlighted the best gifts to give each zodiac — which you can read about here in case you missed it — we thought it would only be right to talk about the WORST gifts to give each sign, as well.
PSA: Any sane person wouldn’t appreciate these presents — please do NOT give anyone any of these! You’ve been warned.
Aries…
- Deodorant! Because, frankly, you need it.
You know an Aries — that go, go, go on-FIRE ram — ready to fight with anyone and anything. Gotta love ‘em — and what better way to show your undying affection and admiration this Christmas than with a plastic toiletry that costs under $5? Hey, it’s thrifty, and they’ll be reminded of just how much you love them every time they sweat! Deodorant is an item everyone needs — just snoop in your Aries’ bathroom cabinet for confirmation!
Taurus…
- Foot Odor Spray! Honestly, I just assume your feet stink.
We all know that Tauruses drag their feet in the mud — I mean, really, have you tried getting them to do anything? They’ll be so grateful for such a useful and considerate tool as THIS — foot odor spray! Every time they get home, ready to relax and unwind, they’ll kick off their shoes and remember how thoughtful and delightfully insightful you are — it’s the perfect present! — even if they don’t smell any of foot odor at all.
Gemini…
- Toilet Bowl Cleaner! The perfect pairing to all those late-night Taco Bel runs 😉
No wild night out with a Gemini is complete without a pit stop at the drive thru on your way home! All those Doritos Locos Tacos are so worth those hours on the John, there’s no denying! Have no doubt, your Gemini will be so grateful for a toilet bowl cleaner — a present that just screams “You make great decisions!” — or go the extra mile by grabbing the automatic ones! While they’re worshiping the porcelain god, they’ll constantly be reminded of just how highly you think of them!
Cancer…
- $20 bill! Let’s be honest, you could do better at this gift thing, so here, go… get yourself something nice.
Cancers are one of the best gift-givers of the zodiac, so why not utilize their expertise? Hey, saves you time and I’m sure they’ll see the hidden compliment you just gave them! You worked incredibly hard earning those twenty dollars, didn’t you? Honestly, how can they expect you to spend your valuable time figuring out what they want, too? With $20, no one is disappointed — your favorite Cancer will be able to get exactly what they want, and you can spend your time doing what you want.
Leo…
- A Bag of Corn Nuts! Literally just remembered I had to get you something, so I grabbed what I could find at the gas station on the way here.
If there is one thing we all know about Leos — it’s that they don’t need the extra stuff! So how do you show them how much you care? They, especially, feel so loved just knowing you got them anything at all — you’ll still impress, even if it was just an afterthought on the way over! If you can’t find corn nuts, then Sun chips, sunflower seeds, or Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are always major crowd-pleasers. After all — it’s the thought that counts!
Virgo…
- Trash Can! Because it reminded me of you!
Virgos are well-known neat freaks — they can’t help it! They just love cleaning up messes. A shiny, new trash can is the perfect gift for any Virgo — preferably, you’ll also have a dirty room ready for them, so they can put their gift to use immediately! With this gift, every time they toss some garbage in the trash — heck, anytime they see garbage at all — they’ll be reminded fondly of the present that made you instantly think of them.
Libra…
- Fart Gas Neutralizer Pads! With a face that pretty, you’re the definition of silent, but deadly.
All the lovely Libras in our lives are so beautiful — but what do you get your lovely Libra for a gift? Fart gas neutralizer pads, obviously! They’ll tell all your friends how well you understood the assignment. For around $15, you can go the extra mile and purchase the reusable ones — so the Libra in your life won’t ever have to worry about purchasing them again (or ever)!
Scorpio…
- McDonald’s $5 Gift Card! Listen, it’s not like you’re going to show any emotion anyway, so it doesn’t matter what I get you — right?
Does anyone really know what a Scorpio likes? They’d react the same way to a Tiffany’s bracelet or a $3 cookie from the bakery down the street — so play it safe with one of America’s most beloved fast-food chains! Thrifty, easy, and that $5 can get your Scorpio a full-blown meal — and these edible substances come piping hot and “fresh™.” They’ll be enthralled by how little effort it required of you to think of it, too, so be sure to let them know!
Sagittarius…
- Fidget Spinner! Because you move too much, and I want you to stop.
If you’ve ever sat next to a Sagittarius in a classroom or at a movie theater, you know first-hand how these signs literally can’t stop moving. And you’ve always wondered what the heck to do about your friend… A fidget spinner is designed to help your Sags — help them not lose their friends and family! So, this year — go ahead and invite that Sagittarius to the festivities, but make sure this is the first present they unwrap! Two birds, one stone — am I right?
Capricorn…
- Rogaine! Listen, work causes stress, and stress makes your hair fall out. *shrugs*
Let’s be real here — Capricorns are workaholics. Until they can learn a healthy way to manage all that stress – and no, having a five-minute scream session in the car does not count – this gift will help manage their imminent hair loss! Sure, the Capricorn may not realize how wonderful a gift this is at first sight — but give it a few years of daily use, and you’ll be at the top of their best friends list!
Aquarius…
- A Spatula! This item seemed so you, you know?
Ah, the spatula – one of the most essential and versatile cooking utensils! These flexible and quirky blades just scream Aquarius! (See how I just used the word “quirky”? That’s how you know it’s for your Aquarius!) Just be sure to not explain why this gift matches them so well — and they’ll be super excited for that mystery to unwrap, too! Besides, no one’s going to turn down a free spatula, right?
Pisces…
- Dictionary! You really seem like you need help forming coherent thoughts.
Pisces are a poetic bunch — and what better gift than a tool of their trade? A dictionary will be sure to captivate their attention and oh-so-subtlety tell them that you’ve realized they need serious help. What a profound way to show how much you care! Not to mention, it will also teach your Pisces the correct definitions of all those big, fancy words they think they know how to use — a win-win!