‘Tis the season to be thankful!

As the holiday season approaches, have you wished sometimes that everyone could be just a little more grateful for what we do have, and a little less consumed by what we don’t? 

Let’s talk about thankfulness — or rather, the art of being thankful.  After all, cultures from all over the world have used the end of the harvest season (October through November) as a time to appreciate all the blessings we’ve been given and to cherish our loved ones for the richness and affection they bring into our lives.

I’d love to share with you some tips I’ve learned about how we can all improve our gratitude-based EQ (emotional intelligence or emotional quotient) before the holiday season erupts in full swing.  We’ve outlined some simple steps to help you become better about how you say thank you, along with some pro tips and tricks to teach you how to receive gifts like a pro! 

PRO TIP:  Don’t email or text your thank you note unless at least one of the following conditions is met:  (1) you’ve already said thank you in person and you’re just saying it again, (2) you will be unable to contact the person another way within the 48-hour time frame — for example, if they’re deploying or going on vacation, or (3) you know the person well, and they would prefer an email or text instead.

Say thank you now

First of all, you’re going to want to set the tone with your gift giver right away by saying thank you immediately.  I mean as soon as they place the gift in front of you.  Now, I’m not saying you have to perform a grand gesture of appreciation the moment the gift reaches your fingertips, but try to make it a habit of saying a quick, simple “thank you” right out of the gate.

That being said, the key here is sincerity — at this point, you’re thanking them for the thought and the trouble they went to for you, so it should be easy.  While you want to make saying thank you almost second-nature, you don’t want it to become disingenuous or indifferent.  Take a moment to pause, make eye contact with the giver, and show them your appreciation before you open the gift.

You’ll also want to avoid making a deflating joke, using sarcasm, or saying things like, “You shouldn’t have!”  (After all, isn’t it nicer to hear, “thank you for doing that,” rather than “I wish you hadn’t done it”?)  I know some of us aren’t the best at receiving things like gifts or compliments, but we want to work on changing that.  After all, giving gifts is one of the five love languages, and you are worthy of love!  Don’t be afraid to accept it.

PRO TIP:  If you receive a gift in advance (such as one for a holiday, like Christmas), and you won’t be opening it until the day of — then call, email, or text to let the gift giver know you’ve received it.  Do this the same day you receive it.  And FYI — this doesn’t let you off the hook for a good and proper thank you note after you’ve opened it!

Pay attention

Next, you’re going to want to give the gift giver your undivided attention.  Whatever you are doing at the moment can wait a few minutes.  Focus on them and the gift they’ve presented.  As I mentioned above, eye contact is essential here.  It shows the giver that you care, and that they aren’t inconveniencing you — with their present or their presence.  Look at them like you can see their thoughtfulness.

Most of the time, if the reason isn’t obvious (like your birthday), gift givers will offer some sort of explanation when they present your gift.  Maybe they saw something small that reminded them of you, or maybe you did something for them that they were grateful for, and they wanted to show their appreciation!  In any case, you want to be sure you’re actively listening, and that you don’t cut them off.  Give them the floor for a minute or two before you go tearing into whatever they’ve gotten you.  This little act will go a long way.

PRO TIP:  I know how huge the temptation can be — but please don’t re-gift a gift.  It’s frugal, yes, but also tacky.  Speaking of tacky — don’t say thank you with cash!  Think about it — turning the gift into a monetary transaction takes all the magic out of it.  (And yes, some people seriously do this).

Open it now

Odds are, the gift-giver has been looking forward to seeing the look on your face when you open their gift from the moment they found it and bought it for you.  Your reaction after opening their gift is probably the best part for them.  Don’t make them wait any longer! 

This person went through the time and effort to give you something they thought you would enjoy or (at the very least) would make you smile.  Barring a prank wrapping job — which, granted, some people do do for the fun of it — unwrapping the gift now is usually doable, it’ll only take a few minutes out of your day — and it will mean the world to whoever gave it to you.

I promise, the spreadsheets, your social media feed, or whatever else it was that you were working on, will be there after you’ve opened your gift.

PRO TIP:  There are circumstances where you don’t open a gift right away.  For example, when receiving gifts in a small group when one of your guests has explained they couldn’t afford to give you anything.  In this case, you may choose to open the gifts in private — after the party — so your friend or family member doesn’t feel awful.  However, this makes the thank you note after that much more important for those who gave you gifts and weren’t able to see your reaction.

LOOK grateful

“An avocado, thaaaaaaanks!”

If the popular vine featuring the little boy unwrapping an avocado on Christmas morning taught us anything, it’s the importance of appearing grateful, even if the gift isn’t what you expected, wanted, needed — or even know what to do with!  The avocado could’ve been this sweet boy’s least favorite fruit or at the very top of his Christmas list, but you’d never be able to tell based on his reaction to receiving it.  That little boy showed class.

Even if the gift is the last thing you’d ever want, you still want to show your appreciation and gratitude to the person who gave it to you.  I’m not saying you have to jump for joy or squeal with glee if you don’t like the gift.  You want your reaction to be genuine, and you want to be honest with the giver so next time they’ll be able to get you something better suited to you.  But there is a time and place for that conversation, and it isn’t when you first open your gift! 

Try to remember, someone took time out of their busy schedule to find this gift for you.  Like the old saying says, “It’s the thought that counts.”

If you really don’t like the gift, then try to focus on the gesture itself.  Give them a sincere thank you for thinking of you — a thank you for their consideration and for the effort they put into choosing your gift, even if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted.  As your relationship with the giver grows, they’ll get a stronger insight to your tastes and preferences!

PRO TIP:  For flowers, fruit baskets, and other perishables — always call, text, or email that same day to let the gift giver know you’ve received the item.  Most times, delivery services are used for these items, so the giver will be unsure when or if the gift has been properly delivered.  However, keep in mind that a proper thank you note should still be sent within 48 hours.

The follow-up

This step is critical in the thank you process — but also the one that’s most often forgotten or neglected.  Sending a follow-up thank you is such a simple, easy way to show the person who gave you the gift that you truly appreciated their act of thoughtfulness.  Typically, you want to aim for within 48 hours after you’ve received your gift.  Thank you cards are always nice to have on hand, especially in response to gifts for special occasions — like birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries.  However, sometimes a formal thank you card may feel a bit much.  You still want the follow-up to come from a place of sincerity, and if it’s just a small gift from a close friend, a card may not be warranted.  In this case, sending a thank you text or — especially nice — leaving them a cute, handwritten note would still fill the bill.  Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. 

You don’t have to do anything that’s too out of your way, but you don’t want your response to feel like an afterthought, either.  You want to show that responding to the giver isn’t a chore; you don’t want to make them feel like this follow-up is some sort of moral obligation.  Think of it as a reciprocation of kindness!  A reciprocation that will work to improve your social relationships, as well.

Thankfulness is a Lifestyle

You have the power — you have the choice — to live a thankful life every day.  Sure, you can choose to dwell on the things that didn’t meet your expectations — but tell me, how that is benefiting you?

Maybe the sweater your mother got you was purple instead of blue, or maybe your significant other cooked you a huge Italian dinner when you were really craving tacos. 

You can be disappointed that they didn’t get the details right, but honestly?  Those are little things distracting you from the big picture. 

Instead, you can choose to be thankful that you have people around you who love you enough to take time out of their day to try to make you happy.  I want to say again that you aren’t expected to love every single gift you’re given, but lying to the giver if you hate what they’ve picked for you is not the answer, either.  All I’m saying is, before you react, take a moment to think about what the gift actually means — what this act is actually all about.  It is an act of love.  The giver did the best they could, and it’s important to, at the very least, acknowledge their intentions.

After all, think of all the times you’ve given a gift to someone.  Remember the giddy feeling of anticipation in your stomach as you took the item up to the checkout counter thinking, “Ah! They are going to love this!” Remember biting your lip to contain your excitement as you handed them your gift — only for them to set it aside and say they’d look at it later?  Or maybe they weren’t as enthused as you were and just said a quiet thank you before quickly moving on to the next gift or next moment in their life?  How did that make you feel?  Would you want to make someone else feel that way?

By choosing to be thankful, you’re choosing to be kind, and if there’s one thing this world can always use — it’s more kindness.

PRO TIP:  Handwritten thank you cards — there’s something magical about actual, 3D thank you notes, and — don’t worry — you don’t have to write a long letter like snail mail in the movies.  Just follow the magic formula, and a quick handwritten message will work perfectly!

We’ve got lots of gift-giving ideas coming as the holiday season approaches, so be sure to sign up below for our weekly newsletter to ensure you never miss a blog post!  New posts out every Monday and Friday at noon PST!