Trigger Warning:  We love all the zodiac signs — seriously.  This blog is made for humorous purposes only.  We also hope this humor will help some people understand the zodiac signs better.  Please, don’t take anything in this blog personally.  You are a wonderful, beautiful soul.

Aries:  Starting arguments/conflict for fun

Oh, don’t act offended, Aries.  You know what you do.  Well, you realize after the fight, anyway.  Anytime you feel your relationship lacks enough action, you stir up some trouble to get a rise out of your partner and spice things up.

You could eat tacos every night for a week, rave about the new taco truck down the street, post about how much you love tacos — then say you hate them when it comes up in conversation.  You’re not even lying!  You just have no forethought before talking.  But by then, you’ve committed to what you’ve said.  So, you dig your heels in and commit to the ludicrous statement until you win.

Maybe you’re dating another Aries (may the universe help you both) or maybe your partner loves the thrill as much as you.  If it works, then great.  However, odds are the person you’re with doesn’t enjoy fighting with you.

Your red flag?  You fight before you think — the great warrior zodiac — ready to battle but not to be in a relationship.

Taurus:  Never spicing things up

How’s that routine, Taurus?  I’m sure you feel all cozy and content… but your love life?  Not so much.

I know you may be comfortable doing the same thing every day — day in, day out — but sometimes your partner needs more than just staying in for the sixth movie night this week.  To the rest of us, you just don’t care.  I mean, you mope about venturing out of your cave every time your person even suggests an activity — wouldn’t you feel lousy, too?

Loving someone means you have to compromise, but the worst part is you know that!  You just are so busy being depressed that you don’t realize you have such an impact on the person who loves you.  News flash:  They love you, of course they care about what you think.  I know — crazy, huh?

Your red flag?  You are so out of touch with the world outside your bubble that you expect you don’t impact it — not even the loved one you let in.

Gemini:  White lies are still lies

I know this may come as a shock to you, Gemini, but honesty and trust are some of the most important things in a relationship.  I know, I know — shocker, yeah?

Just because a little white lie every now and then doesn’t feel like a big deal to you, doesn’t mean your partner isn’t going to be hurt by your dishonesty.  And yes, it’s still dishonesty, even if it’s something small.  Lies plant toxic seeds of doubt in your partner’s mind that will only grow over time. 

But you can’t backtrack, can you?  You spit out the lie from your clever imagination and — boom!  You’re stuck, and you can’t fathom admitting it.  I mean, they believed you.  That’s a feat!  A game of wits where you’re the winner.  Who cares if they didn’t know they were playing!

Your red flag?  You think you prove you’re clever by convincing your loved ones of lies—when really, you’re just proving they love you that much.

Cancer:  Your partner will sometimes need s-p-a-c-e (and that’s okay)

Most of my best friends are Cancers, so I know this first-hand.  You come off really strong sometimes… Listen, not everyone wants to date a psychologist.

Believe it or not, your person needs time alone to process their own thoughts and feelings.  Yes, that means without your help.  Don’t worry — you will survive this.  You won’t implode if you leave them alone for five minutes, trust me.  In fact, you might just have time to sift through your own emotional puddles.

But do you know what’s sad?  You actually think you’re helping.  And your person ends up having to avoid you to get what they need.  And then you get upset because they’re avoiding you!

Your red flag?  You genuinely think that sifting through your loved one’s emotions for them helps them — when, really, it’s usually just helping yourself.

Leo:  Being basically the Tinker Bell of needing attention

Admit it, you laughed at this.  And that’s just because you know it’s so true!

Without constant validation or applause, you will wither away and die just like our favorite Disney pixie.  Fun fact:  Validation doesn’t mean they love you, and lack of validation doesn’t mean they don’t love you.  But you need it anyway.

Why?  Because that confidence you show off to the world is all an act.  And you’re terrified everyone else can see that, too.  The ironic part?  They can — but only because you’re constantly checking to see if they can.

Your red flag?  Like an addict, you live off your partner’s boosts to your confidence and don’t consider how this immense responsibility affects them.

Virgo:  Are you trying to help them or change them?

Sure, Virgo, this is a fine line we’ve all walked at least once or twice.  But you’ve walked it perhaps a few dozen more than the rest of us.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help people, but you want so much more than that.  You want them to agree with your view of “better.”  You want them to be your perfect underling, following your every word.  It’s in their best interest, you tell yourself!  And you actually believe it, too.  You think you always know best.  Help them versus change them?  In your efficient, dictator-like world, those are the same.

Change is necessary for your person to adapt to your strict standards, after all.  But hey, if you can take it, then surely everyone else can too, yes?  I mean, why wouldn’t your significant other want a life manager constantly picking and prodding at their life choices?  That never affects you negatively… I mean, it’s not like you are prone to low confidence and depression.

Your red flag?  You treat the person you’re with just as well as you treat yourself — which is a pretty low bar.

Libra:  The constant diplomatic agreeing doesn’t belong in a relationship

Let’s be real, Libras.  You’re a people-pleaser.  But not to make people happy — no, this is to avoid conflict.

Your partner wants things to be peaceful, too!  But they can’t do that if you’re just constantly agreeing with them all the time — especially when you secretly resent them for… what?  Not psychically reading your mind and figuring out what you wanted them to choose?

There is such a thing as healthy conflict.  What a concept, am I right?  But that’s an uncertainty and you don’t want to tempt fate.  After all, disagreeing on whether to paint the bedroom sky blue or cloudy white clearly means the end of the relationship.  How could you possibly come to an agreement on something so complex and life-changing?

Your red flag?  You think avoiding conflict makes it so everything will be hunky-dory — even though it increases the odds you will destroy the relationship with built-up resentment.

Scorpio:  Like… do you like them or don’t you??

The age-old question anyone who’s ever fallen for a Scorpio has asked.

You’re dark, mysterious, and hard to understand — and you like it that way.  But do you know why you like it?  Because it’s safer.  Despite all the innate bravery and confidence, you have one big weak spot:  your heart.  So, you get close to someone…and then you pull away.  Then, you get close again, and then you pull away again.

Meanwhile, your person is wondering if maybe you only call them when you’re bored.  But this couldn’t be further from the truth.  You just don’t want to get hurt.   And so you appear as if you’re going back and forth on whether you like them — then if they break up with you, you can say you never cared all along.

Your red flag?  You fiercely protect your own heart, and in so doing, you accidently break the heart of the person you love.

Sagittarius:  Listen, sometimes you need to remove those rose-colored glasses

Sagittarius, when you fall, you fall hard.  Everything your partner does is perfect, and you dive into your relationships head-first — blind to your partner’s obvious faults.

Loving blindly isn’t sustainable.  You can’t just deny those faults exist.  The rose-colored glasses will have to come off eventually, and the longer you keep putting it off, the more it’ll hurt once you do.  But you are so blind that you don’t even see what you’re doing!

Your partner may feel flattered at first, but this can’t last.  Eventually, they’ll feel burdened by trying to live up to your idea of them.  If this doesn’t snap you out of your fantasy world, then you’ll realize it while you’re eating Ben & Jerry’s and crying after they’ve long dumped you.

Your red flag?  All you see is sunshine and rainbows… until it’s too late… and you’ve guilted your partner into a breakup.

Capricorn:  Relationships need some benefit of the doubt

Capricorn, I’ll cut to the chase:  You’re a complete jerk.   At least, that’s how your partner views you every time you call five minutes before your date because of that one time they ran late.

The person you’re dating doesn’t appreciate you treating them like they can’t handle a simple task.  We get it — you are really scared of being disappointed.   Like, zombie-apocalypse-planning-level scared.   And, just like those bunker-builders, you really think that you’re just being prepared.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret… that’s why love is called a leap of faith.   You have to give your partner some benefit of the doubt or they’ll find someone who will.   They need to feel trusted — not like a QA is following them around and scoring their performance.

Your red flag?   You make your partner feel like crap because you are always busy preparing for when they make a mistake.

Aquarius:  Love isn’t logical – it’s pure magic!

Oh, Aquarius, why do you do this to yourself?   Not to mention the people you choose to date.

When you approve of someone’s life resume, you tell yourself you love them.  You tell them you love them.  You even plan for the future and anticipate a happily ever after.  Except… you do know this isn’t Practical Magic, right?  You can’t just custom build someone off Amazon and suddenly be in love.  That’s just not how love works.

So, inevitably, you get annoyed.  Really annoyed… with every little thing they do.  Have they suddenly started chewing louder?  Did they recently develop a love for popping bubble gum?  No, you’ve just finally realized that you never really loved them in the first place.

Your red flag?  You fool your partner into thinking you love them — but, worse than that, you fool yourself.

Pisces:  SPEAK!  Not everyone is so intuitive

Reality never lives up to your expectations, does it?  Your partner always says the right thing in those imaginary dates you hold in your head, after all.

Why can’t they just treat you like that in real life?  It’s not like it’s your responsibility to let your partner know how you’re feeling… I mean, you can read their thoughts… and you are dating your own clone, right?

Pisces, you can’t be mad at them for not being able to read your mind.  While you’re simmering and stewing, your partner has no clue what’s going on.  In fact, they think everything is fine!  And why wouldn’t they?  You haven’t said anything.

Your red flag?  You expect your partner to be just as perfect as they were in your imaginary conversations with them in your head — without the benefit of being privy to the information stored there.